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Bad luck Brian has a pet rock
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Voting: like being able to choose which bullet you'd prefer to be shot in the head with
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For a moment, I couldn't figure out how to leave the bathroom.
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Evil raccoon
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Miley Cyrus vs. Unknown man
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Accident in the mall. I quit.
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I'm a nonviolent person until I see a spider
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Love letters
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Thongs
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Don't lick the chocolate frogs
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Driver's license
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Sleeping under the sea