Thongs
Voting: like being able to choose which bullet you'd prefer to be shot in the head with
Evil raccoon
Miley Cyrus vs. Unknown man
Love letters
I'm a nonviolent person until I see a spider
Bad luck Brian has a pet rock
Don't lick the chocolate frogs
For a moment, I couldn't figure out how to leave the bathroom.
Driver's license
Accident in the mall. I quit.
Sleeping under the sea